Burnt Out

I realized today that I had not posted anything in a couple of months. This was due in part to me being extremely busy. The end of summer is always crazy. As much fun as lifeguarding is, most people tend to get burnt out. They have been working long hours in the sun for many weeks and it just isn’t as appealing to sit in the hot sun anymore. Vacations start to happen and school starts. Now, as I am in college (along with a few of my other coworkers) I was able to work more hours at the end of the summer. However, we had a lot of high school students who started school and couldn’t work. All the sudden, we had a lot more hours that were available. Those of us that were die hard enough (or rather just needed the money) worked a ton of hours.

So that would be the main reason I didn’t write. Burn-out. I don’t know how many of you have ever felt burned out. I’m pretty sure most of you have. I realized today, that I have never stayed with a job for even a full year. I work during the summer as a lifeguard and then I during the school year I have my other job. Burn out always cracks me up. That is when you see the real side of people in my opinion. All the sudden people start ditching work more, they just don’t show up. You find out who is really more willing to take peoples hours. You also see the people who are just there for the money.

Every summer there are the people who don’t really care about lifeguarding. You see the people that are trying to make it more interesting by getting off stand to do other things. Now at my job this year, it wasn’t allowed, so it didn’t get real bad because we were always watched. Last year on the other hand… it got bad. There were lifeguards that were floating chairs in a pool using tubes, so they could lay out. Other lifeguards that would get a ball and start throwing it bad and forth with patrons in the pool. I even saw lifeguard show up with vodka in their Powerade or just show up completely high. Luckily, this was stopped, immediately. But yeah… burn-out. Not the best thing in the world. I don’t know how this could be stopped, in fact I don’t think it can, but maybe someday.

Peeing in a Pool

Peeing in a pool is considered gross by everyone. No one wants to swim in a pool that has been peed in. But in reality, almost everyone has peed in a pool at one point. Now there is some question about why people do this, some find pleasure in warming themselves up (and yes while the thought is disgusting, it actually isn't all that disgusting). Others, such as swim instructors do it because they don't have time to get out of the pool to get into the bathroom. Others just because why not? Others because oh that's right, we know that nothing happens if we pee in the pool. Chlorine is an amazing thing. While it can burn your eyes, or dry out your skin, it kills all bacteria. The free chlorine in the pool combines with all the bacteria in the urine and oh thats right, it kills anything that is gross in it. But it could be a problem when everyone pees in the pool.

Lifeguards have a way to combat this. I don't know if any of you have heard that there is a chemical that is put in pools that turns red when you pee. It follows you around the pool everywhere that you pee. This unfortunately is a myth. I wish it were true, it would be hilarious to see where people pee. And to be able to yell at them for it. However, there is no chemical that can do this. It wouldn't be possible to spread over the big body of water that is the pool. But still as lifeguards we insist on telling people this. I find it especially hilarious to see the look on their faces when they know that they have been caught, when I tell them this, they usually assume that I have seen the red in the pool. It can be quite hilarious.

But now, how did a myth like this get started? I have heard many people say that they have actually seen this chemical at work. In fact I'm sure I could get sworn affidavits that would hold up in court. So what started this? What was the cause of the "chemical reaction" that happened in the pool? Well I think the simplest explanation would be internal bleeding. Or more exact, if the person is female, they are going through their monthly cycle. Gross, I know. So moral of the story, don't pee in a pool. And if you are female, definitely don't pee in the pool if it is that time of the month. Another moral, if you see a trail of red, you actually do have reason to be completely grossed out.

The Look

If you have ever been to a pool, you have seen a lifeguard. Unless it wasn't a public pool, then never mind, forget what I just said. Well I don't know if you have ever noticed, but lifeguards have a certain look. It is polished off with a certain pair of sunglasses. If you have ever been a lifeguard you know what I'm talking about. We love the Aviators. Yes, I know pilots wear them in Top Gun and make them look Dang good (thank you Tom Cruise) and I know that they are often called the Cop glasses, but lifeguards love them too. I have been lifeguarding for a few summers now, and every summer I stare longingly at the other lifeguards Aviators... not to be confused with staring longingly at the other Lifeguards (believe me... that happened on its own). Well I would go and look at Aviators, and I would find myself a pair that I loved, but I couldn't stomach the price. I would find a price I liked, and hated the look (how often does that happen?!? Can't the stupid manufactures understand that some of us are on a college budget?). I am now proud to announce that I have my first pair of Aviators. And while I've been told that they look better on other people, I really don't care. Now while I sit on stand, I feel complete. As if a part of me that has been missing for years is now back with me. You other guards know what I'm talking about. For those of you that don't know what Aviators are... here you go!

(What do you think?)

The Quirkiness that Defines Us

I’m working at a pool this summer (obviously), it’s a new one for me. I’ve worked at others, and they all have their little quirks. My first pool was known for the Armenians that would come (not racist… I love Armenians). Another pool was known for the horrible boss, it has a curse that they can’t keep an Aquatics Coordinator for longer than a summer, and “The members are always right.” We were a YMCA, whatever the paying member said would go. That meant a lot of changing of rules… I’m not kidding. Well this year… I have seen a lot of quirks… some that I have never seen before… others that are not quite in the magnitude that we are here.

1. The amount of people wearing anything but a swimsuit to the swimming pool. I swear, it’s not that hard to assume that you need wear a swimsuit when you go to a pool, is it? I mean swimming, swimsuit… they seem to go together. Wearing clothes is uncomfortable anyways… freak.

2. The amount of parents that allow their children to come to the pool with their cast uncovered. I’ve never seen anything like it. I thought one of the rules of cast wearing was not to get it wet. But apparently I was mistaken. Apparently we should all be getting the cast completely immersed at the pool and letting it stink for the next few weeks.

3. The amount of fake boob jobs… and not always good ones at that. There are a lot of young mothers that have obvious boob jobs at this pool. They walk around with skanky little swimsuits on showing off their chests at the baby pool. I’m not kidding… it’s disgusting…

4. The amount of seriously odd couples… today I was sitting at the pool and I see this really good looking guy. At the oldest he was 29. Well as he was chastising some kids, looked like they were probably his, they looked about 6 and 5. Well this really unattractive older woman walks over and watches… I figure it’s this guys Mom… the kids grandma. Well the kids are left to go and play and the lady starts stroking this guy, and then he leans in to kiss her. Well it was just a peck, so I hope that they just have a really close Mother-Son relationship. As the hours go on… I see things that make me uncomfortable, from him calling her the kids mom, to them holding hands, to a slight make out session under the slide. I was disgusted… I’m pretty sure they win the oddest couple award.

While admittedly this pool has the best quirks so far, it will be interesting to see what else comes during the summer. I’m sure I will get a few more laughs yet.

Serious Note...

Today while I was at the pool, I was sitting on break waiting for my next rotation to go up, eating some nachos and a little girl comes in with a bloody toe. Well my supervisor today got up to help her, as she was about to bandage the toe a woman came running in shouting that a baby had landed on his head. Immediately we all jump up and get outside. Well when we get out there, we find out that a 3 year old had been dropped on his head. I see blood and ask his mom if I can help him. She says yes, so I grab the little boy, get him into the office and immediately stabilize his head. Meanwhile another supervisor starts cleaning up the wound while the first supervisor is calling EMS. The other lifeguard on break cleans up the toe of the girl that was in the office first. I’m still holding this boys head, and he is freaking out. Finally we hit some common ground where I can get him slightly calmed down with his parents still slightly mad that we have to wait for EMS to get there (we have to call EMS anytime there is a head wound). Well EMS got there a few minutes later and cleared him. All in all it could have been a lot worse, or a lot funnier. But for me it was a moment where I once again saw the seriousness of the job. We hold people’s lives in our hands.

The Power of the Red Suit

Lifeguards… everyone knows who they are at the pool. Generally they wear a red swimsuit, sometimes its blue or black, and it usually says Guard on it. We have a tube that we hold across our lap if we are sitting or across our stomach if we are standing. There is usually a whistle around our necks and at my pool we have a fanny pack around our waist that contains a breathing barrier and some gloves and first aid supplies. We have the power at the pool. Everyone knows they can come to the lifeguard. Today as I was walking around the pool a lady stopped me to tell me that a little boy was looking for his parents. A screaming girl came to me to tell me her toy got stolen. We are the ones that are able to fix everything in people’s eyes. The lifeguards are the ones that the people place their trust in, to the point they think they can leave their kids alone in the pool. It is amazing what people think that lifeguards can see, even though people far outnumber the lifeguards… they feel their lives are safe in our hands. We have the training for this, and for the most part this is true. There is power in the suit.

What Do Lifeguards Do For Fun?

Once a month at our pool, we have a staff party. This means all concessions, admissions and lifeguards get to attend and bring some guests. This also means that there are no lifeguards actually guarding, because, well let’s face it, they wouldn’t really guard anyways. No actual rules are followed at these parties, so we all take off running for the slides. Normally, people are only allowed to go feet first down the slide going at most 2 at a time. Well obviously we followed this so well. My night started on the slides… I brought my best friend Svetlana. We started with a 5 person train all going head first. We then very craftily built up the trains to 30 people all sitting sideways (yes we have our ways of not going down). About half way through building the train, someone would slip creating a domino effect of people going down the slide. It was highly entertaining. We would all crash into each other as well as the slide walls constantly killing different body parts… I still have a bruise on my elbow. Eventually, we would reach the bottom of the slide and head into the slide pool where we would all pile on top of each other. The few lucky people that went first got stuck on the bottom for a good 30 seconds while everyone else cleared out of the way. Well we proceeded to do this until people had bruised and raw hips (not kidding… skin actually came off) and heads were completely banged in. Well Svetlana and I decided to head over to the pool and just chill for a bit before going home. Well we get in the pool… and I already knew this… but Svetlana was very interested to see what lifeguards do for fun. As we jump into the middle of the pool, there is a group of 3 guards, 2 boys and a girl… the boys are grabbing the girl, “Ma’am we are here to help you… you are okay we are going to save you… please let us help you.” No joke, they are forcibly saving another human being. So the question comes, what do lifeguards do for fun? We break all the rules, and when we get bored of that, we “practice” our saving techniques. We are an odd bunch…

The Deadly Rays

A few weeks ago, I was at a PTA convention (don’t ask), as I was walking around inspecting booths with my aunt, I came across a sign that caught my attention. As I was staring at it, the lady below the sign asked me if I knew anything about skin cancer. I replied, “Only that I’m going to die of it by the time I’m 40.” She gasped with a look of total astonishment on her face. “Actually, I think it’ll probably metastasize to my lungs and kill me at 38.” She stuttered out a WHAT?!? I slowly explained that I had been lifeguarding for years and was planning on continuing for years and that no matter how much sunscreen I used or how much I used sunglasses, I was probably going to end up blind or with sun cancer. It’s just a fact that I have faced in my life. That is one of the risks that comes along with lifeguard. Well my aunt heard this exchange and quickly cut in to pretend she cared.

Skin cancer is a very real fear people. Wear sunscreen (the people from banana boat should pay me). Seriously, never go to the pool, lake, outside without it. You can get skin cancer so easily. Learn the ABCDE’s of skin cancer and know what to look for. I may be dying of it slowly (but I do check my moles daily) but that doesn’t mean you have to.

All in all my trip to the skin cancer booth was very productive, I got myself a free bracelet that showed when I was in UV rays and should have sunscreen on. However, I’m in the sun too much, the bracelet couldn’t handle it. It died a week after I got it. Weak sauce! If a stupid piece of plastic can’t handle it. Seriously. Oh and I got this great photo… seriously check it out… it’s hilarious!

(In case you can't read it : Hi, I'm giving your kids Skin Cancer. Have a nice Day.)

Walking

As a lifeguard, you are allowed to yell at little children and don’t get in trouble for it. Now you have your normal phrases that are repeated every couple of seconds. WALK!! Is yelled every little bit. No matter how many times you say it, you can always count on saying it again. In fact you may start to feel like a broken record. I swear what is the point in running? The slide will always be there… even if you walk. I guess I don’t really understand it, but then again, I’m not 8. Any version of the word walk is a highly used phrase. I’m not going to lie, I have an extremely loud voice, and I’m downright mean when I yell walk. I’m pretty sure kids think I’m the walk Nazi.

Another common idiom that is used at the pool is “no diving.” I mean seriously… how many people need to be told again and again that you can’t dive in the shallow end? Does anyone besides me see the danger of diving into water that is 2ft deep? I mean this isn’t rocket science here. You dive where it is shallow, you’ll probably hit your head… that creates huge problems. You don’t want a concussion… or worse, you could be paralyzed.

Another interesting thing that comes up at the pool is the lack of swimsuit wearing. I mean people show up in jeans and want to get in the pool. Hmm… let’s think about this… how about no. I mean it’s called a swim suit for a reason people. You go swimming in it… wow… concept? Another thing… women, don’t wear just a white t-shirt. It’s not pleasant for any of us to see sagginess. Seriously… gross.

I have learned to effectively use the whistle to my advantage. Kids know when they are breaking rules. If you see them do something wrong, you just blow that whistle, I don’t even HAVE to say anything… though I do, just for effect. The second the whistle is blown, the rule breaker looks your way. It’s such an amazing thing. Who knew it? Kids actually know what they are doing is wrong? Man I love being a rule enforcer!

Tribute to Michael Scott

Being a lifeguard I am privy to many conversations that otherwise I would not be allowed in on. It is fun to sit on stand and watch people’s lives. I have to find a way to entertain myself while sitting on the stand, in fact I often make up soap operas in my head. Maybe I will fill you in on those later. However, a lot of the time, I just overhear phrases that often make me laugh. What some people say… sometimes you just have to wonder if they are just darn near stupid. Often lines are translated into a Michael Scott references “that’s what she said” (though sometimes I change it to that’s what HE said). Some are better than others obviously, but I’m going to start with just a few.

One day I was sitting on stand, and I see this family playing together and they have a fairly large inner tube. They are playing around putting the babies up on it (now tubing isn’t extremely fun seeing as we just have a pool, no slides that allow tubes or anything). Well I was watching them and I see one of the boys look at his friend and say, climb up on that. Now these are not big boys, they are kind of small probably 6 or 7. So the boy looks over and says “Awe man… you want me to climb on that?!?” Haha… all I could think in my head was that’s what she said. Seriously… what else could you get from that?

Another scenario… Enter into a pool yet again (obviously). I’m teaching a lifeguarding class this time. Well these kids are learning how to do spinals. It is a long (supposed to be fast, but takes a while when teaching people) process that involves a lot of steps. So I explain all the steps once and show how it’s done with help and a volunteer to be the victim. After I’m finished explaining, I have them break in to groups. I go off to watch the first group. While they are attempting the seemingly impossible, the first rescuer makes his save. Then the second rescuer goes over to sink the back board. While after trying unsuccessfully a few times, he looks at me and goes, “How the heck am I supposed to do this?” Haha… that’s what she/he said!

Okay so I definitely saved the best one for last. Once again we are doing spinal saves, but this time I’m just recertifying lifeguards that have been at this for a while, there was not a huge need for explanations. I was watching them to make sure everything was being done right. I am good friends with all of these people because I work them. Well as the girls are about to pull the board out of the water, another lifeguard looks at them and says, “Would you like me to be the third and get on the back?” Okay… say it with me now… That’s What He Said!!!! Seriously… that is the only thing you could get from that. Okay so honestly, I yelled it this time, I couldn’t hold it in.